You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
