I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
