I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
