So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
