And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
