did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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