I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
