I want to have your abortion
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
