it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
