So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
