I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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