so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
