just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
