I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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