i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
