I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
