I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and i looked up. we had an audience...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
