remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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