I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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