How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
