Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
