Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
