i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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