She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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