the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
