I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
