Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
