Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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