My nipple is on Facebook.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
