i think i have herpe
just one?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
