I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
