i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
