Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
