i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They took my balls.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
