i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
