No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
