They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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