what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
