well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
