I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
