Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
