Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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