i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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