whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
