You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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