So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
