i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
