The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
