how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
