I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
