Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
