anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
