toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
