My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
